随便说

• 晚餐去了Riingo，在Alex Hotel的一楼。 气氛，装潢，服务和菜品都是我爱的。前面的吧台旁边有装饰植物的落地窗和大沙发，很想坐在那里喝上一杯，下次吧。

• 工作邮箱搞定了。C小姐发来的第二个案子，一看下面联系人，原来是以前打过交道的。这个世界就这么小。

• I was flipping through old blog articles earlier. There was this short piece I wrote after coming back from the theater. Snow started to fall as I was walking through Time Square. The street was quiet and the weather bitter. All of a sudden it dawned on me how much I will dread this coming winter. Summer, with its sunshine and endless activities, is almost the season of happiness. All you need is a walk in the park, a quick trip to the beach or simply eating some frozen yogurt on a outside bench to feel alive. But winter is quite the opposite. For the past three years, the only thing that held me together through the cold days was the thought of a certain someone across the ocean. The thought alone was enough to make me feel content and strong. But now, what do I have to look forward to?
  

• Note to self: come winter, I don't want to feel lonely.
  

读英文书，写中国字，开始游走在生活的a面,b面和c面之间

时间过的有点快，似乎直接从周一跳到周五。 昨晚去应酬顺便和C庆祝。 谈了这么久的事情终于开动了。记得星期一下午，我还懒懒的躺在沙发上等着L小姐去听歌剧，C发了个案子，我看看还说得过去，就说咱们做吧。下午查了点资料，了解了一下这个行业和两国目前的状态啊，法律啊等等。星期二一早CapitalIQ的单子就搞好了。周三给M 先生打了个电话，咨询一下，看来还是从浙江开始，资源最多，反正本来就是小试牛刀的。 周三晚上，两人澎湃了一个晚上，名字搞定了，网站也是。正式聘请D 小姐做设计。H 先生也来帮忙，tech的事，还得靠他。

反正从昨晚进门签到开始，就算正式把我们推向市场了。可惜，没见到什么太厉害的人，聊了几个律师，其中一个做中国市场，主要是企业上市这块。等一个小时的免费酒水结束了，我们自然找地方去续摊了。

今天起来晚了，本来要翻译点信息也没做。只是接了个面试，下周三。 我承认，打工上瘾。 C小姐和D小姐倒是麻利，一个把我的工作邮箱搞定了，一个发了6个样本给我们，连名片设计都包了。晚上，很神奇的，我和C小姐都没有局，两人在家继续邮件讨论。 6选1，再给点意见，也算圆满。 现在，就看本小姐的功力啦。 周末努力吧！

外带句题外话，晚上跟M姐姐在Smith & Wollensky 吃晚饭，临出门了，一个侍应生绊倒，两瓶可乐掉到地上直接反地心引力向上喷，我就当场狼狈了。 唉，脸皮薄的人，只好默默接过眼神惊恐的前台递来的浴巾，不好意思责备别人，吃个闷亏吧。

Sometimes I wonder if I will become these people that make others question, "what exactly do they do anyway?" So far this week, I had a business lunch at a nice little french restaurant on Monday. We talked about projects, films, life and the little bubble that we live in called new york city. On the same day, there was the concert in the park, a trip to the library and some serious search of the perfect french restaurant to go to with my girl friends.

I thought about Billy, possibly my favorite character from One Fifth Avenue. Will I become him someday? I wouldn't mind having such fine taste in art and all other things glamorous but I certainly wouldn't want to be lonely in the way that he is.

Having a career is important for many reasons other than money. Years ago, one of the few times that my dad accompanied me and my step mother at the time on a shopping trip, I remember he looked at us both and said, you guys will never understand money the way most people do. I think he's right. "Having seen too much" is a curse. I'm almost forced to know better. But that doesn't really stop me from desiring other things in life. I still have problems verbalizing it but it's along the line of career, job, and accomplishment.

So, in the light of been responsible to myself, I made a to-do list for this week. For an unemployed person, I can be surprisingly busy too. Sometimes I wonder why people have such blind faith in me, but other times I take it as it is. Maybe I am every bit as good as they think I am.

周末在woodburry狂撒钱。Coach门前的队伍是永远不散的。门内的光景更是可怕。Moi主动要求去帮忙排队，然后看着两个中年妇人两眼冒光健步如飞，各自手里5，6个 钱包，腕包，还有两三个提包，挎包。最后，还在L 大人的一再坚持下，收下一个旧版的satchel。很无奈，不爱这个牌子已经很久了，却在半年的时间内连续收了4个包包。

人就是这样，对雪中送炭的人会念念不忘，可是那些锦上添花的人，却很少在心中留下波澜。 也不过就在几年前，Moi疯狂的迷恋coach， 却不好意思在不赚钱的年纪自己买一个来。 记得我央求L 大人送一个腕包作圣诞节的礼物，一个不到100美金的小东西，却被她以可笑的理由回绝了。再往后，Moi 开始做暑期工，兼职，慢慢有了点小收入，却也没有什么购买的冲动了。

然后很莫名的，去年圣诞，收到了一个coach的棕色腕包。打开的那一刻，没有小惊喜，只记得一直在想，“这个深棕色，真的很老气”。

人，会不会在合适的时候做合适的事情，真的好要命。

就像现在，每天就这么凑合着过着，但每天心里都会有一份小感动。那个肯在凌晨接电话听我哭的人； 那个虽然自己正经历分手，却不忘每天打来关心我的人；那个每天想尽办法转移我注意力的人，那个有事没有就跑到我家附近然后假装顺路的人，我想，都可以划到雪中送炭的那一类吧。

人，遇到真正震惊的事情，那种永远都想不到会发生的事情，原来，第一反应是完完全全的不理解。

那一刻，我的身体僵掉了，心跳突然加快，面对答案，竟不知道那两个字的意义。 不是不敢承受，而是发自内心的陌生。 很悲哀，竟然动用了网络，还是不愿相信看到的答案，直到有一条，是法律的定义，只好被迫相信内心早已猜测/知晓的事实。

牙痛 2

失眠，牙痛，连牙龈也变得红肿。想起上次买的消炎茶还有剩，便起身去烧水。

茶很苦，咽下去，从喉咙到胸前都充满苦味。我只好捧着巨大的咖啡杯一小口一小口慢慢吞。

这只咖啡杯是上次跟妈妈逛街的时候买的。 我特意挑了红色最大的那只。本命年的人似乎都这么迷信。可惜它没能带来什么运气，该发生的，都发生了。

又开始疯狂的看张小娴。我还是没学会像她书里那些女人一样，忘我的付出。 但是那些心痛的时刻开始变的很真实。想起第一次看三个A Cup的女人时曾经泪流满面。不会了。 真正痛的时候，泪水很微不足道。

牙痛 1

右边那颗伴随我14年的蛀牙终于开始痛了。 不过没有心痛。

爱情，生活，都是两个人的事。不过分手却可以是一个人的事。

每个人都有一个点，可能不是那些激烈的争执或是互相伤害的话语，可是，心冷，真的只需要一个点。

如果说那些自私的想法和行为，那些欺骗的言语暂时忽略不计的话。我最无法接受的，是逻辑和价值观的混乱。 一个拥有无数情人的人，可以在婚姻中理直气壮的如此，从没有愧疚没有歉意。可当他真的爱上一个人，决定离开过往的一切的时候，却开始了无法计量的愧疚。这可能是我听过的最不好听的笑话。当然，没有人有能力去改变他人，我们能做的，只有改变自己。


那些该放下的，该遗忘的，该改变的，都试着去做吧。 哪怕每天只能迈出一小步。

On Everything

It is difficult adjusting to a new lifestyle and a new mindset. So far I have found it really helpful to draw myself a bath every night, around the unbearable 1 or 2 am. Brew a huge mug of tea, usually peppermint and chamomile. Music also helps. Last night it was Taiwanese pop and right now it's Bach's Goldberg Variations. The sound is divine, and brings back memories of my childhood, running in a field brushing the watermelon smelling grass with my sleeves.

There was a smile on the child's face.

Where is it now.

I feel empty inside

Sometimes it just goes down to our basic needs. In this case, it's love or the reassurance of love.

Thursday night, two girls, both in their quarter-life crisis, hit town casual style. The food portion was tiny and borderline pretentious, but the atmosphere was just right. We spilled our sorrows over Sangria and lamented our falling relationships. I guess that is the extend of our friendship. We even feel the piercing pain at the same moment.

Friday night, two girls who have known of each other for months finally got to meet. Val was sweet, witty and down to earth. I liked her instantly. So there was, the queen, the princess, Val and diva herself, eating oysters and crab leg with warm butter. Finally, the night ended with shity Pinot Grigio and the princess posing for a picture with her favorite celeb. Did she call him Phil?

You'd think when you fill every gap during the waking hours, there is no time left for self pity. But we all forgot about the dreadful 2 am, where after much tossing and turning, there is still only one thought in my head: where did the love go?

Am I Living Now?

Last April I started this blog. At the time I was tired. Tired of school, the place and the people. In fact, the feeling of dissatisfaction was so strong that I told my own mother it was perfectly ok if she didn't come to my graduation. She didn't. And I couldn't have cared less.

I said I was barely living. So when the whole shenanigan was finally over I dragged my tired self home; spent two weeks in bed thinking I had swine flu (before H1N1 became the proper name); and then went on about life.

It's been a year of baby steps. Still I didn't think I accomplished anything until I started to quantify things in life. Could I have done more? Yes?. Am I happier than a year ago? Absolutely.

I made an list of new year resolution back in January. Probably 50% are no longer relevant. Maybe from now on I should think in terms of "blog years" instead of school year or calendar year. So what would I like to accomplish in the second blog years? How about get a driver's license (yes, this is still on), finish P90X, do the Revlon run on May 1st plus fund raise, make the movie, get on a better schedule and finally, figure out my place in life?

Now these will probably keep me busy.