My Something Beautiful

一定会有那么一天，记忆与想念，不会比生命更长

2010-08-04T04:53:00.001-04:00

凌晨４点，在豆瓣写完影评看到标题的这句话。有点想哭的共鸣。无论每个人多么努力去爱，去接受，去挽回，去改变，去怀念，去疗伤，总有一天，一切都会过去。你也可以坦然的看待这一切。　期间不管经历了多少时间，拿生命的总长去衡量，总是微不足道的。

周末流水账

2010-08-02T02:30:00.004-04:00

很不一样的周末。平日的狐朋狗友都离岛了。K回了connecticut，C飞去了chicago见家人顺便当我们的商业间谍，连比较宅的H先生都跑去cape cod。趁着空闲，周五见了几个平日里少见的朋友，一个吃饭，一个喝茶，倒也惬意。

周六晚上跟M姐姐和V小姐抱着法式面包提着沙拉杀去了roosevelt island. 明眼人都看得出我是第一次去，从下车的第一分钟就看起来像个乡下人，探头探脑的，到处都看着稀奇。楼很新，公寓无比大还有羡慕死我的walk-in closet，最喜欢可以看到曼哈顿的大阳台。一个晚上就这样坐在阳台上吃烤肉喝sangria。估计全纽约外加新泽西的德国同胞们都来报到过了。所以谈话也一直在德语和英文之间转换。忍不住，时不时需要开个小玩笑把语言拉回英文。很可爱的一群人，好迁就我和V 小姐。

可能最近时差调的好，刚过12点我就开始打瞌睡。无奈，向来举止优雅从不失态的G小姐竟然喝醉了，无比可爱的缠着我和M姐姐不让走。折腾到2点半，终于送下她回到家。

今天比较懒，但还是很孝顺的陪母亲大人去朵颐吃饭去韩国城吃甜点。知道她很闷，没什么水平相当的朋友，到头来还得找我这个见面就吵的女儿。想多陪陪她可是内心纠结啊。这个吃法，估计三天长了5斤肉。有点自尊心就减肥吧我！

当地主，还是小打工的？

2010-07-29T22:39:00.003-04:00

有点不知道说什么了。最近又开始烦，没选择的时候穷担心，有选择的时候踌躇不定。

先说人，再说事。上周五在中央公园和G女士淋了个落汤鸡，还要赶回家梳洗再出发，全因之前介绍C和K认识，结果两个美女看对了眼，硬要我这中间人安排大家出来喝酒。结果酒过三巡两个人竟然同时向我发难。唉，好歹我在朋友圈里好脾气怕尴尬也是出名的，唯一的小毛病也就偶尔不接电话，没事放下鸽子。可是对朋友的包容，我够自信。当时打打哈哈也就混过去了，可回到家越想越气。当然，因为怕尴尬所以第二天还是假装没事的继续聊天，可心里想好了，很多事，以后不会对这两个家伙说了，没品。

周二的时候跟M小姐去David Burke Townhouse吃饭。完全爱上了这家店。东西好吃，摆盘漂亮，几个服务生更是殷勤的很，更重要的，我们是因餐馆周去的，他们还是一样的在点餐后上了amuse-bouche。有点受宠若惊。酒足饭饱之后，两人喝茶闲扯的空档，M小姐说远看一个人很眼熟。定睛一看，原来是“黄金男孩”坐在吧台。简单说这个名字的来历，叫他男孩其实他都快前秃了。所谓“黄金” 也毫无推崇之意，完全跟他拍马屁的功夫成正比。当然，“黄金老男孩”凭他这点功夫也混到公司副总了，唉，这世道。

了解David Burke Townhouse的人应该都知道，坐在主餐厅，想不贴身经过吧台出门是办不到的。所以我们俩人啜着白茶，耗着时间想对策，最终还是被他看到了。有点小尴尬的相认之后，我们出门前再次出于礼貌去打个招呼。很没缘由的，“黄金男孩”邀我们坐下喝一杯，很神奇的，M小姐竟然没拒绝。要知道，虽然他们依然是同事关系，M小姐平日里说起他都是翻白眼的，没事还要讥讽一下他努力藏着的南方口音之类有的没的。就这样，从香槟喝到香槟调酒(顺便说，他们家的bellini 很失望），看得出“黄金男孩”今晚心情不错，M一直追问他们几个白天在会议室里讨论什么重大机密，他也都是笑而不答。终于，趁M小姐去洗手间的时候，忍不住对我说，他今天辞职了。我吃了一惊，这家伙可是刚升副总没多久，加上公司上月刚做成了两个大案子，他又是拿佣金拿到手软，辞职？？？

正要多做祝贺之时，M小姐回来，大家有一搭没一搭的讨论着V的辞职。这时手机进条短信，C小姐正在下城跟V喝酒，就一句话， “走了仨？！？！？！” 嗨，每个人还一副国家机密的样子，我这早就离职的人，在几个小时之内就全知道了。这个世界哪里还有秘密啊。到这里，理一下头绪，一天之内，走了一个副总加两个分析员。对这等规模的公司，相当于8级地震。

对我这外人来说，这本都没什么影响。“黄金男孩”见我继续面不改色的喝着香槟，凑上前说，Coco 你知道你到现在都还是老板心中的最爱，我们都还是用你做过的东西来训练新人。假如老板知道你已经回到纽约的话，他会打爆你的电话邀你回来的。薪水嘛，更是三级跳哦。

说来好笑，这件事其实我早有所闻，M 姐姐说过，C 小姐提过，连跟D 吃饭的时候，他都不经意的谈到。当然，黄金男孩因为D的关系，对我的动向，也一直心里有数。似乎全公司除了两个老板和那些没见过的实习生，我成了大家心照不宣的秘密。

一直没动心的，可现在？说实话我知道可以很轻松的要到6位数薪金外加佣金，当时要走的时候他们已经开到接近这个数了，今时今日，更是不用说。可是，值吗？当我们的价值只能用薪金来衡量时，我真的可以确定我一整年的时间，只值这个数吗？

外加一句，那天晚上“黄金男孩”很有风度的揽掉了整张账单，我偷瞄一下，我们三个喝掉了一个burberry的手袋。有种感觉，人要离开了，变的比较坦诚比较绅士了。

随便说

2010-07-21T00:03:00.002-04:00

晚餐去了Riingo，在Alex Hotel的一楼。气氛，装潢，服务和菜品都是我爱的。前面的吧台旁边有装饰植物的落地窗和大沙发，很想坐在那里喝上一杯，下次吧。

工作邮箱搞定了。C小姐发来的第二个案子，一看下面联系人，原来是以前打过交道的。这个世界就这么小。

I was flipping through old blog articles earlier. There was this short piece I wrote after coming back from the theater. Snow started to fall as I was walking through Time Square. The street was quiet and the weather bitter. All of a sudden it dawned on me how much I will dread this coming winter. Summer, with its sunshine and endless activities, is almost the season of happiness. All you need is a walk in the park, a quick trip to the beach or simply eating some frozen yogurt on a outside bench to feel alive. But winter is quite the opposite. For the past three years, the only thing that held me together through the cold days was the thought of a certain someone across the ocean. The thought alone was enough to make me feel content and strong. But now, what do I have to look forward to?

Note to self: come winter, I don't want to feel lonely.

读英文书，写中国字，开始游走在生活的a面,b面和c面之间

2010-07-16T23:03:00.004-04:00

时间过的有点快，似乎直接从周一跳到周五。昨晚去应酬顺便和C庆祝。谈了这么久的事情终于开动了。记得星期一下午，我还懒懒的躺在沙发上等着L小姐去听歌剧，C发了个案子，我看看还说得过去，就说咱们做吧。下午查了点资料，了解了一下这个行业和两国目前的状态啊，法律啊等等。星期二一早CapitalIQ的单子就搞好了。周三给M 先生打了个电话，咨询一下，看来还是从浙江开始，资源最多，反正本来就是小试牛刀的。周三晚上，两人澎湃了一个晚上，名字搞定了，网站也是。正式聘请D 小姐做设计。H 先生也来帮忙，tech的事，还得靠他。

反正从昨晚进门签到开始，就算正式把我们推向市场了。可惜，没见到什么太厉害的人，聊了几个律师，其中一个做中国市场，主要是企业上市这块。等一个小时的免费酒水结束了，我们自然找地方去续摊了。

今天起来晚了，本来要翻译点信息也没做。只是接了个面试，下周三。我承认，打工上瘾。 C小姐和D小姐倒是麻利，一个把我的工作邮箱搞定了，一个发了6个样本给我们，连名片设计都包了。晚上，很神奇的，我和C小姐都没有局，两人在家继续邮件讨论。 6选1，再给点意见，也算圆满。现在，就看本小姐的功力啦。周末努力吧！

外带句题外话，晚上跟M姐姐在Smith & Wollensky 吃晚饭，临出门了，一个侍应生绊倒，两瓶可乐掉到地上直接反地心引力向上喷，我就当场狼狈了。唉，脸皮薄的人，只好默默接过眼神惊恐的前台递来的浴巾，不好意思责备别人，吃个闷亏吧。

2010-07-14T01:18:00.002-04:00

Sometimes I wonder if I will become these people that make others question, "what exactly do they do anyway?" So far this week, I had a business lunch at a nice little french restaurant on Monday. We talked about projects, films, life and the little bubble that we live in called new york city. On the same day, there was the concert in the park, a trip to the library and some serious search of the perfect french restaurant to go to with my girl friends.

I thought about Billy, possibly my favorite character from One Fifth Avenue. Will I become him someday? I wouldn't mind having such fine taste in art and all other things glamorous but I certainly wouldn't want to be lonely in the way that he is.

Having a career is important for many reasons other than money. Years ago, one of the few times that my dad accompanied me and my step mother at the time on a shopping trip, I remember he looked at us both and said, you guys will never understand money the way most people do. I think he's right. "Having seen too much" is a curse. I'm almost forced to know better. But that doesn't really stop me from desiring other things in life. I still have problems verbalizing it but it's along the line of career, job, and accomplishment.

So, in the light of been responsible to myself, I made a to-do list for this week. For an unemployed person, I can be surprisingly busy too. Sometimes I wonder why people have such blind faith in me, but other times I take it as it is. Maybe I am every bit as good as they think I am.

2010-07-12T00:08:00.004-04:00

遇到困境的生活并不太糟糕。要是以前，绝对死不肯承认自己脆弱，也太丢脸了吧。可是回想过去的几个月，我面对一切时的无力，岂止是脆弱啊。

终于承认了，也就轻松了。只是心中有种无法克制的欲望。想要去理解这一切，无论是人生，生活，还是我自己。没办法，只好读书。

最先让我欲罢不能的是德波顿。还记得那是回到家的第二天，任性的闹脾气然后赌气出门，在那个承载了我太多不愉快回忆的城市里乱走。一个人看了一场很糟糕的电影，去了那个早已物是人非的地方，还有书店。随手选了两本，“旅行的艺术”和“拥抱逝水年华”，都是德波顿。

有时候读书也是缘分。差不多看完旅行的艺术的时候，才发现，原来早已认识德波顿。他就是那个早前被我奉为经典的演讲者。无论是人生的哪个课题，他总是可以在不经意间一语道破。没有刻意，更不会装腔作势，有的，是一种认真思考的态度和多年的学术累积。我不止一次的想，他应该是孤独的。快乐的人没有时间去如此剖析生活。就像在船上的日子，我把拥抱逝水年华借给了母亲大人。只不过是我午睡的功夫，她已看完整本，还顺便灌掉了半瓶红酒。她不会像我一样感觉如获至宝，她早已过了被这些人生问题困扰的年纪。德波顿不可能逼你去思考，但假如你拿起他的时候刚好需要指引，他是很好的导师。这都是缘分。

另外一本带上船的书，是Candace Bushnell的One Fifth Avenue. 没有营养，写纽约，写男人女人婚姻爱情，不过平均年纪至少40，不是一群让我看到不耐烦的找爱的小女人。此书被母亲大人霸占到下船的前一晚，看她兴致那么高，也就由她了。到现在我也只看了200多页，主要作用？用来提醒自己？这是纽约，光鲜亮丽下真实的有点残酷。在充斥着物质的文字间寻找精神，也算不上什么创举吧。

在海上的那几天还养成一个习惯，睡前读经书。 80%的时候只是反复的念心经，偶尔也看看金刚经或是普门品。忘了谁说的，修经不修法，很赞同，所以从此着手。反正不懂也是懂，懂了也不懂。

本来我对宗教的追求也就停留在这个不求甚解的阶段，很偶然的，回来后接触到南怀瑾。因为父亲大人的一句话，让我对他的东西既好奇又排斥了好多年。现在想来，无分对错，只是一个看透了，一个没看透罢了。这应该就是读西方文学和研究宗教的人的不同吧。当然，两人都知识渊博，可世界观只能有一个。

有点跑题，南怀瑾的"人生的起点和终点” 还是要看下去。生死并非我此刻最关心的话题，不过有种很强烈的要读下去的感觉，就当有益思考吧。接下来，还有更吸引我的，期待看他说老子，道家，密宗等等。

其实书总是看不完的，很喜欢最近这种有点目的阅读的状态。加上上个月加入了paperbackswap，开始整理自己的书架，筛掉不想要的和不会去读的，拿去换。省钱，也享受这种方式。

坦白的说，我还是不快乐，而且大部分时候很讨厌自己。读书不是答案，只是努力的开始。我还是把生活搞得一团糟，没有条理，缺少秩序。我还是极度缺乏安全感，偶尔没理由的发脾气。我还是学不会如何坦诚面对自己的内心，没有借口，没有伪装，当然最重要的，我还是很脆弱。不过承认这一切，就迈出了第一步。

2010-06-22T02:59:00.002-04:00

周末在woodburry狂撒钱。Coach门前的队伍是永远不散的。门内的光景更是可怕。Moi主动要求去帮忙排队，然后看着两个中年妇人两眼冒光健步如飞，各自手里5，6个钱包，腕包，还有两三个提包，挎包。最后，还在L 大人的一再坚持下，收下一个旧版的satchel。很无奈，不爱这个牌子已经很久了，却在半年的时间内连续收了4个包包。

人就是这样，对雪中送炭的人会念念不忘，可是那些锦上添花的人，却很少在心中留下波澜。也不过就在几年前，Moi疯狂的迷恋coach，却不好意思在不赚钱的年纪自己买一个来。记得我央求L 大人送一个腕包作圣诞节的礼物，一个不到100美金的小东西，却被她以可笑的理由回绝了。再往后，Moi 开始做暑期工，兼职，慢慢有了点小收入，却也没有什么购买的冲动了。

然后很莫名的，去年圣诞，收到了一个coach的棕色腕包。打开的那一刻，没有小惊喜，只记得一直在想，“这个深棕色，真的很老气”。

人，会不会在合适的时候做合适的事情，真的好要命。

就像现在，每天就这么凑合着过着，但每天心里都会有一份小感动。那个肯在凌晨接电话听我哭的人；那个虽然自己正经历分手，却不忘每天打来关心我的人；那个每天想尽办法转移我注意力的人，那个有事没有就跑到我家附近然后假装顺路的人，我想，都可以划到雪中送炭的那一类吧。

2010-06-12T04:57:00.003-04:00

人，遇到真正震惊的事情，那种永远都想不到会发生的事情，原来，第一反应是完完全全的不理解。

那一刻，我的身体僵掉了，心跳突然加快，面对答案，竟不知道那两个字的意义。不是不敢承受，而是发自内心的陌生。很悲哀，竟然动用了网络，还是不愿相信看到的答案，直到有一条，是法律的定义，只好被迫相信内心早已猜测/知晓的事实。

牙痛 2

2010-06-10T04:35:00.002-04:00

失眠，牙痛，连牙龈也变得红肿。想起上次买的消炎茶还有剩，便起身去烧水。

茶很苦，咽下去，从喉咙到胸前都充满苦味。我只好捧着巨大的咖啡杯一小口一小口慢慢吞。

这只咖啡杯是上次跟妈妈逛街的时候买的。我特意挑了红色最大的那只。本命年的人似乎都这么迷信。可惜它没能带来什么运气，该发生的，都发生了。

又开始疯狂的看张小娴。我还是没学会像她书里那些女人一样，忘我的付出。但是那些心痛的时刻开始变的很真实。想起第一次看三个A Cup的女人时曾经泪流满面。不会了。真正痛的时候，泪水很微不足道。

牙痛 1

2010-06-10T02:08:00.005-04:00

右边那颗伴随我14年的蛀牙终于开始痛了。不过没有心痛。

爱情，生活，都是两个人的事。不过分手却可以是一个人的事。

每个人都有一个点，可能不是那些激烈的争执或是互相伤害的话语，可是，心冷，真的只需要一个点。

如果说那些自私的想法和行为，那些欺骗的言语暂时忽略不计的话。我最无法接受的，是逻辑和价值观的混乱。一个拥有无数情人的人，可以在婚姻中理直气壮的如此，从没有愧疚没有歉意。可当他真的爱上一个人，决定离开过往的一切的时候，却开始了无法计量的愧疚。这可能是我听过的最不好听的笑话。当然，没有人有能力去改变他人，我们能做的，只有改变自己。

那些该放下的，该遗忘的，该改变的，都试着去做吧。哪怕每天只能迈出一小步。

On Everything

2010-06-08T02:06:00.003-04:00

It is difficult adjusting to a new lifestyle and a new mindset. So far I have found it really helpful to draw myself a bath every night, around the unbearable 1 or 2 am. Brew a huge mug of tea, usually peppermint and chamomile. Music also helps. Last night it was Taiwanese pop and right now it's Bach's Goldberg Variations. The sound is divine, and brings back memories of my childhood, running in a field brushing the watermelon smelling grass with my sleeves.

There was a smile on the child's face.

Where is it now.

I feel empty inside

2010-06-05T00:44:00.002-04:00

Sometimes it just goes down to our basic needs. In this case, it's love or the reassurance of love.

Thursday night, two girls, both in their quarter-life crisis, hit town casual style. The food portion was tiny and borderline pretentious, but the atmosphere was just right. We spilled our sorrows over Sangria and lamented our falling relationships. I guess that is the extend of our friendship. We even feel the piercing pain at the same moment.

Friday night, two girls who have known of each other for months finally got to meet. Val was sweet, witty and down to earth. I liked her instantly. So there was, the queen, the princess, Val and diva herself, eating oysters and crab leg with warm butter. Finally, the night ended with shity Pinot Grigio and the princess posing for a picture with her favorite celeb. Did she call him Phil?

You'd think when you fill every gap during the waking hours, there is no time left for self pity. But we all forgot about the dreadful 2 am, where after much tossing and turning, there is still only one thought in my head: where did the love go?

Am I Living Now?

2010-04-02T03:00:00.003-04:00

Last April I started this blog. At the time I was tired. Tired of school, the place and the people. In fact, the feeling of dissatisfaction was so strong that I told my own mother it was perfectly ok if she didn't come to my graduation. She didn't. And I couldn't have cared less.

I said I was barely living. So when the whole shenanigan was finally over I dragged my tired self home; spent two weeks in bed thinking I had swine flu (before H1N1 became the proper name); and then went on about life.

It's been a year of baby steps. Still I didn't think I accomplished anything until I started to quantify things in life. Could I have done more? Yes?. Am I happier than a year ago? Absolutely.

I made an list of new year resolution back in January. Probably 50% are no longer relevant. Maybe from now on I should think in terms of "blog years" instead of school year or calendar year. So what would I like to accomplish in the second blog years? How about get a driver's license (yes, this is still on), finish P90X, do the Revlon run on May 1st plus fund raise, make the movie, get on a better schedule and finally, figure out my place in life?

Now these will probably keep me busy.

2010-03-30T04:34:00.002-04:00

It's a hard world we live in. You only have ten seconds to make the right impression. I added a few blogs to my daily watch list while enduring another sleepless night. Frugal Fashionista, Liberty London Girl and The Cherry Blossom Girl made the cut. There were probably twenty others who didn't. There's no need to read through a whole page to decide whether you like someone or not. A couple of images, a few line of their writing would do. For me, if they don't offer great fashion news/tips/ideas, they'd better be witty. Yes, I'd follow a blogger religiously if she simply has a sense of humor and whimsical writing style; I actually do.

2010-03-28T21:17:00.003-04:00

Life is always about negotiating and making deals with myself. As of right now I'm craving a piece of fresh mango. So here's the deal. If I fix my manicure and do the P90X abs routine in the next hour, the treat is on ;)

Productive Friday Is A Sign For An Even More Productive Saturday

2010-03-27T01:22:00.003-04:00

Happy Weekend!

Somehow I think it's a sign from God. I got up quite early today (relatively speaking) for a lunch meeting. Apparently a couple of hours make all the differences. I think God is trying to tell me if I get up earlier, my days will be better spent and much more rewarding because as of right now I'm officially happy and at peace with myself, which is rare, if you know me at all ;)

Now I'm proudly listing out what I have done today: an two hour lunch, some hang out time and apartment hunting with C, a long conversation catching up with R, antique shopping, dinner with dear mother, last work related conversation of the week with my boyfriend and finally a major clean up of my L shape hall way.

For the past months I've been tripping all over the place because the hallway is filled with clothes. It has gotten so bad I started to have trouble opening the door. Finally Moi had enough of walking around risking knee injury at any moment, so I cleaned. That is, patiently separated my laundry shop clothes, dry clean items, clean stuff and ready to give away pieces from three huge piles on the ground (did I mention the process took TWO HOURS!); followed by a little vacuuming, which took place around 12:30 am. Sure my neighbor probably thinks I'm annoying and crazy for doing that but I'm too pleased with myself at the moment to care.

God, if you are reading this blog by any miracle chance, please know that your little point of direction/sign has worked very well today. That's it for now. To be continue.

Come fly away!

2010-03-26T02:42:00.006-04:00

A recent read on airplane traveling tips inspired me to think about my own list. After all, my passport is filled with entry and exit stamps and I'm only ten days away from an eighteen hour flight. So here we go:

Must have for hanging on to dear life sake. As soon as I pass security, I go find the biggest bottle of water in the airport and buy Two. Forget about the tiny cups they provide on the airplane. Maybe this option is a bit heavier to carry onto the plane, but when everyone around you is showing signs of dehydration (dry nose, eyes, and everything else), you'll happy that you come prepared.

Must have for looking your best during and after the flight. A ziploc bag containing a super hydrating non oil based moisturizer for the face, another heavier one for the hands, lip balm, tooth brush, toothpaste, compact mirror, mineral highlighting blush/face powder, mascara, spare contact lens, and shine hair spray. I normally re-apply moisturizers and li balm every hour or so during the flight. About an hour before landing, I make a quick run to the washroom to brush my teeth and apply a bit of makeup. Trust me, pinkish cheeks, glowing skin and nicely defined eyes and lashes make all the differences. Shiny and soft hair does not hurt either.

Must have for making the flight more tolerable. A neck pillow, a pashmina (my recent discovery and obsession. Apparently there are a secret society of women who already swear by it during traveling), my own headsets, ear plugs, scented massage balls from t Spheres, interesting book/magazine, and a watch. The list is pretty self-explanatory. I can not emphasize enough on the importance of pashmina. Did you know the blankets on planes are only washed when they actually look dirty? Your own pashmina will look stylish cruising around the airport, add the extra layer for over the top AC and be your blanket when you are ready for some rest time. How perfect is that?

Must have for taking care of your suffering body. Germs make you sick, terrible food and long sitting hours in small space make you bloated, the crying babies nearby make you restless. All these problems can be solved with a tiny bag of medicines. Personally I took with me Airborne, advil PM, Gas-X and sudafed. Not that I recommend drug yourself during long flights. The only thing I swear by is Airborne, which I take twice during the flight. The rest are nice to have on hand just in care I need one of them.

Finally the most important thing of all, traveling outfit and bags. Loose, comfortable V-neck t-shirt (yes I refuse to wear round-neck even when flying), comfortable black yoga pants, fit-flops (my forever addiction), a roomy sweater and of course pashmina. In terms of bags, I currently carry an extra large dark blue bag with brown leather details from H&M. It's roomy enough for all the items mentioned above, plus a computer and anything else I buy at the duty free shops. Plus, the bag can be hand held or carried cross-body style and the soft material ensure it fits comfortably under the chair in front of me. How perfect?

2010-03-22T22:54:00.004-04:00

I recently read this in an interview piece, someone said that he does not make plans anymore because everything changes so fast. At the moment, I couldn't agree more.

Still, changing too much at once is a terrifying process, especially for someone who possesses no discipline in life. So I slept, in odd hours and way too much than any functional human being should ever do. I also attempted to look for comfort in food, through seamlessweb most of the times. Sadly everything tastes terrible on this side of town, be it Indian, Chinese, Italian or regular diner breakfast. In the end I'm left with less money in the bank account and a rather irritated stomach.

Then I went to the one thing that always comforted me through the years, not a therapist, just plain reading. Not so lucky this time. It is near impossible to sit and read when I'm contemplating a million things in my head.

So I decided, not having a plan is easier said than done because having a plan provides a sense of comfort (even if it's false).

There are days when I wake up in the middle of the day thinking I won't be able to function until I get a cup of skim latte from Oren's Daily Roast. On other days, I might not get up at all. My back pain is back again. Not from the usual stress factors, it probably came from the thought of not knowing.

One day I read about this scented massage balls from T-spheres and immediately ordered a pair. The smell of mint and grapefruit seriously calm me down. Now I keep them by my bedside and am determined to take them wherever I go.

The other day after dinner with K, I started talking to people about having a dog. Maybe it'll make me a better person? Perhaps it will teach me how to be more selfless?

One Sunday afternoon I finally visited C's apartment on the west side. The view was so shocking that it finally made me decide to move. People laughed when they heard my logic but the hell with them.

By this point if anyone is still reading this, you can see what happen when people have too much free time on their hands. Life becomes an unpredictable play with random discourses and monologues. Nothing has to make sense yet everything makes sense. Some days are super productive but others can be completely bland. As I'm sitting here on the couch typing semi-thoughtfully, I hear the distant traffic and drops of rain. Occasionally someone's rushing foot steps too. There is something extremely fascinating about been awake at odd hours. Maybe I'll light a cigarette and go work on the OM. After all, it is my last tie to the brief former life.

The Weather Screams Pink!

2010-03-09T02:01:00.008-05:00

I'm surely a woman of my word. Just last week I went on a whole rant about how I need to stop buying random stuff and focus on the core. A couple days later I'm waiting for four orders to arrive at door step. Special circumstances aside, I'm still not keeping promises in general. What happen to eating better, sleep earlier and most importantly waking up earlier?

Inside my head, there is a mini-panic awaiting to happen. The weather already feel spring but my year has barely started?!? Oh the time sure fly by, if you are old enough to tell.

Color Me for Spring?

2010-03-05T01:25:00.006-05:00

Sometimes a good night can be as simple as a cup of decaf vanilla tea with dried rose and a delightful conversation. Someone got me thinking tonight, hope I don't lose sleep over it.

In the mean time, we are two weeks away from spring. Yes it's worth all the excitement. I can't wait to put on skirts or dresses without heavy tights ;)

Would You Like to Get Married On A Beach?

2010-03-04T01:41:00.007-05:00

By Solve Sundsdo

Project 2010, #1

2010-03-04T01:15:00.008-05:00

It's never easy to follow fashion, in a fashionable way nonetheless. As a rather conservative shopper, the moment I finally purchased a pair of over the knee boots, the trend already moved on to ankle booties. And since I don't have all day to browse around Etsy or vintage sources, I have to wait for animal accessories to show up at Forever 21, which, as expected, takes forever!!! The whole thing is a lot like a cat and mice chase. Only, in this case the chaser is defined as a less fashion savvy shopaholics whose closet is overflowing at the moment.

Adding to the irony, the only solution I can think of, involves...shopping. Yes, you heard me right. Going through my closet, I realize how many closet basics that I'm missing, which probably explains why I shop all the time, jump from trend to trend, but yet is still dissatisfied most of the times when walking out the door. Where is the classic trench? Where are some basic ballet flat? And worse of all, do I even own a long sleeve black t-shit?

Before the situation gets too overwhelming, at least there is one thing I can feel very good about, which is the fact I know my style extremely well. Simple, classic, statement accessories, keep it black and avoid brown. Unfortunately I don't always shop accordingly.

Now, in the light of the new year (Chinese one that is), I'm going to do a(another) major closet clean out before the seasonal swap. No more, and I mean NO MORE random purchases until my closet is load up with all the necessary basics! This is going to take a while as we will need to go through four seasons. Wish me luck on this year long project!

2010-03-01T00:15:00.003-05:00

SMILE a bit while searching deep into the soul.

STRUGGLE a little but no compromises on the height of the heels.

Occasionally, SWEAR out loud but never let anger and frustration get you down.

Whatever it is,

As long as you don't SETTLE for anything less than what your heart truly desires.

In the light of spring

2010-02-28T15:49:00.004-05:00

According to the Chinese calendar, it's been spring for almost a month now. Though the giant snowman on 74th street makes quite a counter-argument, I'm already planing a closet swap in the next two weeks or so to get myself out of this winter fashion slump.

Some random things I want for the spring (nothing trendy as I find many "must-have" pieces for this spring somewhat offensive).

Cotton-knit collar dress by Lela Rose

Outfit from Eryn Brinie

Need Supply Flower Applique Dress

Sometimes It's Good to Get Out of Your Comfort Zone

2010-02-27T02:30:00.005-05:00

But just for one night.......

Happy weekend!
And to the end of a rather short era.

Don't break bad news to people before bedtime ...

2010-02-26T00:22:00.004-05:00

Don't make a business decision without your partner either. Not cool.

Think of a happy thought and say good night!

2010-02-24T23:53:00.002-05:00

I've been having a hard time sleeping at night. Too many thoughts keeping me awake. Clair de Lune and Picture at an Exhibition are on repeat tonight. In the next life, can I meet a guy who would play Clair de Lune for me? As an anti-romance type, that is the sweetest thing I can think of. Unfortunately not in this life. Picturing my boyfriend's horrified face at such absurd request, Don't worry honey, I can live without it for now :)

The matching poem by Paul Verlaine:

Your soul is a chosen landscape
Where charming masked and costumed figures go
Playing the lute and dancing and almost
Sad beneath their fantastic disguises.

All sing in a minor key
Of all-conquering love and careless fortune
They do not seem to believe in their happiness
And their song mingles with the moonlight.

The still moonlight, sad and beautiful,
Which gives the birds to dream in the trees
And makes the fountain sprays sob in ecstasy,
The tall, slender fountain sprays among the marble statues.

Life is, whatever you feel like!

2010-02-24T00:03:00.005-05:00

I saw a great play called The Pride tonight. It involves smoking on stage, drinking sparkling wine, a man having an affair with his wife's gay friend, a therapist giving his patient vomit inducing injection after forcing him to look at same sex pornography, two men acting out a passionate and slightly violent sex scene, and one of the two guys' naked butt.

All in all it was entertaining yet thoughtful. My only question is, how did the old lady next to me manged to fall asleep and snore through half the play while all of the above were happening???

To Fashion Week:

2010-02-24T00:01:00.001-05:00

If you ever want to look like a horse.....

It's better to paddle your own canoe

2010-02-23T01:07:00.005-05:00

Mozart, Mass in C major, k317, Coronation and Edwin Penhorwood, An American Requiem, both memorable but the rest of the program was boring at best. Thank god I had so much on my mind and good company who thought even reading the playbill was more fun than listening to that....Jersey choir boys, go back to where you from pleaaaaaaaaase!

Nothing else is worth documenting, yes my reader(s?), I'm experiencing writer's block.

One last random story before bed: After a big "disagreement", it's nice to send flowers. But if the two people in war, wait, I meant disagreement, are separated by an ocean, some Miyazaki potted plants can bring a smile out too.

From the idiot who sent picture flowers...

Theater Buddy

2010-02-17T01:46:00.003-05:00

The story is simple. I like the theater. G likes the theater. No one else around us like the theater. With that said when we finally met through a mutual friend, it was an instant click. (sparkly eyes sparkly eyes!)

The first time was charming. She picked The Fantasticks, witty yet heartfelt.

When it was my turn to pick, of course I went for the one play that I have been dying to see, I mean, who would not want to see "an exploration of life in the Jewish artists' ghetto created by the Naziz in the Czech town of Terezin during World War II"??

So we went, to the premier of The Sign of Life. There was me, my red swollen eyes from semi-controllable weeping and my new German friend......

80后都奔三了

2010-02-14T19:43:00.004-05:00

80后都奔三了。最近听到这句话总是百感交集，有点想哭的悲壮。

没人能懂。记忆中的一些碎片，曾经的憧憬，以前的未来。每个时代有每个时代的标志，翻着三毛，听着范晓萱长大的小孩，曾经在课桌下看新概念作文选，为一些只有那个年纪才会心痛的安妮宝贝的文字而心痛。迷恋过咖啡，甚至迷恋过涅磐这两个字。有过无数个写不满的笔记本，甚至带锁的那一种。曾经感叹韩寒，看着他直觉得我们的未来更加光明。当然，那时我们还年轻，年轻到只会用互联网上九城，聊天，看卫斯理，年轻到90后还不存在。

不知不觉地，一切都变了，不再有时间为生活中的小情节唏嘘感叹，不再把喜欢的东西抄在笔记本上，没有时间去感觉，因为生活要么激情，要么混沌，反正冷漠是必需品。唯一过去留下的痕迹只有名字，懂的人自然会懂，不懂的更不必解释。

一直是这样，心安理得的接受着变化，却不曾想，这都是长大的标记。直到听到这句话，原来，曾经最年轻的一代已经迈向中年了。该成名的都出名了，该成家的都抱孩子了，大家开始给压岁钱了，开始讨论如何养父母了，韩寒说，“以前的媒体总是批评80后，可现在你听不到这样的声音，因为现在的媒体都是80后了。” 十年一瞬间，我们的社会角色都变了。

说了这么多，还是找不到想哭的原因。难道是在感叹抓不住的时间吗？省省吧。

一直说现在很好，因为我不是会回头感叹过去美好的人。未来会更好，至少我还很理性的活着。

2010-02-09T23:55:00.003-05:00

For the longest time, I was fully convinced that nobody actually care to read this blog. My bestfriend found this "girlie stuff" very uninteresting. My boyfriend went as far as blaming the internet block in china. Sometimes ago I watched this Elizabeth Gilbert speech. She talked about the pressure of the creative process, especially after one has achieved somewhat of a success. After securing one nearly regular reader who actually finds this blog funny, I FULLY understand what Elizabeth must be going through now! It is so much pressure to get to the next level. Oh my! What I have to do to get a second reader now?? What if my only irregular reader starts to find this boring?

Ok, maybe I'm over-analyzing the situation and it's definitely absurd comparing what I do here to the work of a professional writer. Still, its MY blog! I shall do whatever pleases me. Until then.

2010-02-03T22:06:00.003-05:00

I'm smoking a cigarette. The last time i felt the need to smoke at home, was when I had to wake up at 5 am to study. The feeling of restlessness is back again, and much worse. Forget about the under eye wrinkle, theater events, restaurant week, or the movie script I was going to edit, I tell myself to calm down and re-prioritize. It is not the end of world, but the sense of urgency surely will get me going.

Thoughts Before Bed

2010-02-03T00:51:00.002-05:00

A witty and cheerful play, great company, walking in the snow and catching time square at its quiet hour, it doesn't take more to make me happy.

Wish to wake up to a world covered in white, to a day off work and most sincerely, wish and pray the best for all the ones I care about in life.

For now I'm off to bed, wearing a bunny ring ;)

Happy Saturday

2010-01-30T15:17:00.004-05:00

It's hard to get drunk on sangria, especially when half of the time I'm guilt-tripping over the amount of added sugar. This morning I woke up and almost religiously made a glass of honey water. Certain memories are purposely blocked out while other remains. Like the numerous time I woke up to Lisa's worried face. She'd make hot honey water out of her pink mug while mumbling something about how late I got back to the dorm or how concerned she was.....I'd act like a spoiled child and ask for second even third. In the twelve years living with roommates, memories with Lisa were certainly the best ones.

My boyfriend makes the sweetest honey water, literally. But I could never forget that first time, when he sat next to me patiently pouring hot water from one glass to another, over and over again until the water is lukewarm. He still makes it today. It's almost comforting knowing I can always wake up to a glass of honey water. Often too sweet, but no complains.

London days

2010-01-25T01:07:00.009-05:00

Still couldn't sleep at 1:23 am and partially suffering from "old photo syndrome", I started to miss London. The gloomy weather, the tiny room of Highgate Hill and all the time spent wondering around galleries and museums. The city is certainly not on my "List of Places to Live". But maybe its worth another visit someday? The food will forever be bad, but the memory is enough reason to go back.

Out of my window on a normal rainy dayHighgate Hill

My HomeSurprise, surprise!

If I Live in Wonderland

2010-01-21T22:50:00.006-05:00

Just when I thought I conquered P90X, kenpo kicked my butt, hard. No time to blog, I have film script to read. But before that, look at these photos by the talented Mario Testino. In my fantasy of the wonderland, these would be my outfits of choice ;) Good night!

If Only I Can Be A Tulip

2010-01-19T23:38:00.009-05:00

I'll stop complaining for once. Not because I desire peace or serenity, there are just enough pretty things to shut me up. Also, the lack of quality posts (or the quantity for that matter) worries me to some degree. What if my next year's blog book looks as dumb as a novel by Plum Sykes??

On the topic of spring fashion, I'm as clueless as the folks over at Gap (the ones who brought back anorak jacket....) but these photos made me starting to long for the smell of fresh grass and daffodils....

Lily Cole by Carter Smith

Alberta Ferretti Spring 2010 Campaign by Steven Meisel

Slanelle Style

2010-01-13T16:35:00.003-05:00

Attempting to find that balance in life.

Not so overwhelmed, not too free; have some time to read and some time to live.

I need order, but I love chaos. I miss living in other people's cleanness but am perfectly comfortable in my own mess.

Let's hope I'm not wondering aimlessly in life...Should know better.

I'm back and wow It's 2010 already??

2010-01-12T00:51:00.002-05:00

The last month of December, I changed job responsibilities, worked overtime way too much, finally went home to see my beloved one and proudly gained 8 pounds as a result of home food.

Now in the light of the new year, shall we start with some new years resolutions?

Would I like to finally pass CFA I, master excel, get a driver's license, go ski before spring hits, devote some time to my own company, finish the documentary project and not spend any Sunday in bed? How about yes to all!! Now that's a hard list to keep, but at least it does not involve going to the gym....which I probably should do anyway.

A few thoughts of the moment

2009-11-19T10:49:00.004-05:00

Some bloger said that Kraft Mac & Cheese and Columbia Crest Two Vines Merlot is a perfect food and wine pairing. I'm wondering if I should give Merlot a second chance?
The ugly + obnoxious interns seemed to calm down a bit, not a whole lot, but a bit.
There are several items that I absolutely want to own at the moment (they are also absolutely not necessary). What should I do?

Pointy Sleeve Jacket by Stolen Girlfriend Club
Pu Shoe

Miyazaki character from Princess Mononoke?

I'm obsessed with The Oatmeal's Comic, the "15 things to know about coffee" cracked me up all morning.
The scarf is called Cashmere Souffle. Irresistible? I think so.

Cheap Thrill

2009-11-11T21:01:00.003-05:00

These super soft shea butter socks from Bath&Body Works might be the best five bucks I have ever spent...I'm feeling extra pampered at the moment. Definitely running back to the store tomorrow to get more

2009-11-10T15:19:00.001-05:00

Just when I thought it sucks to be a kid.....

2009-11-09T23:29:00.002-05:00

She must has a lot on her mind....more than me perhaps.

周末小记

2009-11-08T21:40:00.005-05:00

很久不看小说，觉得那是很奢侈的举动。很久不听中文歌，因为那些细腻的情感离我太远，又好似离回忆很近，谁的回忆呢？

周六的晚上，独自在家。忘记了是怎样找到这本书，只知道看过第一页就不能放手，只记得哭的好伤心，看到别人心碎也跟着心痛。

80 后是一种宿命。无论我听多少德沃夏克，逛多少美术馆，看多少遍显克微支，我还是那个听到陈奕迅会感伤，看到网络文学会哭鼻子的女生。

虽然这篇博应该没什么人看，还是要推荐这本“广州之恋-那些爱说出已泪流满面”，在天涯爆红了大半年，这个月终于出版了。有些段落一读再读，还是忍不住要放在这里：

“如果一座城市让你心伤，是因为那里曾有你爱过的人……”

“这一次，也许我真的要放手了。坚持了这么久，等了这么久，勇敢了这么久，我已经疲惫不堪。如果有一天你回来，请不要埋怨我已另投新人怀抱，只怨如烟花闪过的你，无法照亮我、温暖我如此漫长、如此寂寞的人生。”

“在恋爱中，我们如此依赖眼睛，可眼睛是最容易受蒙骗的。如果每个人都能像闻仲一样开天眼，一切是非曲直一眼看穿，想必会少很多悲剧。”

“直到我跨过安检，登上机舱门，都没有任何动静……我就像自娱自乐的周星驰一样，把自己当成电影里的女主角，天真地演着一出自以为“此情可动天地”的独角戏。”

“飞机起飞的那一刻，望着小小机窗外面的跑道和绿地，我听到自己的心嘭的一声，碎了。”

连载没有了，希望可以买到书，据说作者最后是幸福的，算点小安慰吧。

Hello, my name is Coco and I'm a shopaholic

2009-11-05T10:42:00.002-05:00

It all started the day I signed up for the CFA and voluntarily gave up all of my free time, or wait, maybe it was when I started working till 8pm daily, or earlier.....Anyway, the point is, ever since my only activities as a living being got reduced to working, studying, occasional eating, and some sleeping, I've been online shopping like nobody's business!

Seriously, it's like the only non-time consuming, cheer-me-up hobby I have left :( No more free day to wonder around museums, no more Mozart and Dvorak even when I bought the ticket already, no more semi decent Pinot at fancy bars.....Sadly, online shopping is all I have.

Last night, I bought my fifth pair of boots in two month. Literally two minutes after that, I encountered the most amazingly chic and slightly edgy vintage dress ever! It was a wool shift dress with a long stretched triangle leather piece in the middle. Gray dress, black leather, it couldn't get any better. Did I mention it is vintage too? Sadly at that point, I was still nursing over the guilt of buying the boots, so I hesitated, told myself to sleep on it, and if I still wanted the dress tomorrow (of course I will), then I'll buy it and not drink starbucks for a week or two.

As predictable as I am, I came to the office in the morning and immediately checked on my shift dress. Status? "SOLD"!! My heart might have skipped a few beats when I saw that........fyi it's still bleeding....Now, should I continue to cry over my lost dress or take some drastic measure to stop this compulsive shopping habit??

Miss Restless

2009-11-04T15:18:00.009-05:00

Studio Cabrelli

Quiet and uneventful day. Got my picture taken for my profile on the company website. One coffee and a skim latte later, I'm here, catching up on the latest City episode, downloading all of Joanna Wang's music, and maybe, doing a bit work in between.

I'm feeling a little restless. Satisfaction in life always seems temporary. Channeling my inner Carrie, I couldn't help but wonder about all the days gone by, what ever happened to the once seemingly unlimited possibilities of life?

Sometimes I get the urge to pack a bag and get on the next plane, wherever it goes. A few times, I dreamed about going to that silent temple in India. Or maybe Barcelona, for Gaudi.

Joanna's music is playing in the background. She reminds me of Shanghai, the city that's forever reminiscing of the good old days. For a while I grew quite bored of that complex everyone seems to share, but ever since I made that documentary, it brought me right back to where I started.

Loving the quiet tree lined streets, loving the lazy afternoon at coffee shops, loving the old man in suit and old fashion hat, and loving the bitter cold winter that never snows...

Solange Wilvert by Yelena Yemchuk

Vera does it again

2009-11-02T16:36:00.006-05:00

Far from been original, but I, like everyone else on this planet, am fascinated with Ivanka's wedding dress. In fact, I'm almost ready to throw away my entire belief in strapless gowns.....almost...

Still, I think this style fits me better, as long as we are shopping in the "cover my shoulder" department.

By Vera Wang

I feel....pink today

2009-10-29T12:38:00.004-04:00

Is it because of my new pink Dior nail polish? Hmmm, maybe. When weeks pass by like days and leaves fallen off trees before I even notice, pretty nail polish remains my comfort spot. I have been very adventurous lately, trying on new colors like jade, hot pink, and red. Truly rare for someone who swore by pale pink and french manicure for years. Now where is this post going? The point is, there's no such thing as too much pink or too many nail polish!

Status: Employed

2009-10-20T23:40:00.004-04:00

Haven't updated in a week. In the last seven days, I bought a very pretty jade color nail polish, reviewed all too many OMs, almost got over a terrible cold, but the best part? Well, a full-time offer two month before the end of my internship. I haven't sign the contract yet but it sure feels good thinking about my business card, my profile on the company website and the fact I can finally stop job hunting for a while......

Sadly there's no time to celebrate since my life is and will be dominated by CFA for the next six weeks or so. I'm thinking of getting myself a nice present if i pass, hmmmmm what should I go for?

Only if I can wear them to work..

2009-10-14T14:16:00.006-04:00

To satisfy McQueen shoe mania and height complex at the moment, and for your amusement:

Fall into a Garden

2009-10-14T13:57:00.008-04:00

Just like how I feel about the season. Only, the color tone adds a bit of warmth....

Vogue Italia

2009-10-11T13:08:00.002-04:00

Sometimes, we just need a little reminder of the love and support we have in life. At least that's what get me up in the morning ;)

2009-10-08T19:06:00.006-04:00

When life start at 6 am with GAAP, SEC regulations, and "going concern" assumptions, I truly, sincerely, do not have much to blog about. Wait, maybe I can write about the fact that I spent three hours number crunching then writing about a metal plating company only to find out that it is off the market? Oh how sad, all the opportunities we miss in life.

Oh one more thing, I recently spotted this photo from someone's blog. It caused a huge urge to re-arrange my place accordingly. Forgive the lack of imagination and blatant copying, my reading corner almost looks like this now, which is super uber.
At last, I give you Alexander McQueen Paris 2009, for your amusement only ;)

2009-10-05T23:01:00.009-04:00

I had Chocolate Éclair for dessert tonight. Two, in fact. There's something very comforting about cream filled pastry. It reminds of me this particular kind that I ate as a kid, always on a train. I can't remember why that memory is associated with train, like it was the only place that sold that dessert. The pre-sealed package contained two pieces of seashell shaped dough filled with cream. The dough was always too thick and never crisp. I can't even remember what the cream filling tasted like, but the dessert itself was nonetheless fascinating, especially to a little Chinese girl who has never seen cannoli, Éclair, or a profiterole.

Little things like this make me think about how much have changed. Ming always says that he could hardly remember life before "us", the memory is so distant that it feels like a different lifetime. I think I'm starting to understand that now. As strange as it sounds...

Iekeliene Stange by Marcus Ohlsson

Pictures are worth a thousand words

2009-09-29T23:44:00.003-04:00

2009-09-28T12:26:00.003-04:00

Trying to be upbeat and keep a cheerful tone, is it working yet? It is almost annoying that every decision that I have made in the past few months feels like life or death. It is even worse when I regret one. In time of doubt ( I know....here we go again..), there are about a million seemingly legitimate reasons to stop trying everything and push for the impossible, but if the decision turns out to be the first runner-up, I can kiss this career goodbye before even stepping on a firm step. It all sounds crazy but nonetheless true. I told the story of the biker shop boy again last night. Three months in a bike shop, and you can try your luck at IB in your next life. SOunds scary? Given the state of economy, the number of people laid off within the industry, and the number of people trying to get in every year, three month is worth more than a life time.

Don't comfort me, don't feel bad, and don't even pretend to understand, just tell me to go on.

2009-09-24T14:57:00.005-04:00

Moment of contentment is normally followed by extensive period of doubts and insecurity. I have been fairly happy lately. New environment does tend to take your mind off things. That is, until now. Almost a month passes by, I'm once again reminded of the haunting reality. I want a small break but don't dare to take one. I want to grab on to something that doesn't have an expiration date, but can't seem to find any. For now, I can only hold on to what I have at the moment, as unsatisfying as it can be at times.

Fashion Conundrum

2009-09-22T13:38:00.007-04:00

Back in College (which isn't that long ago, really), I loathed the shorts, hoodies, and flip-flop look that occupied the campus like Catholic school's uniform. Sadly, I didn't dare break out my platform heels, skinny black pants, or fur coat, ok, maybe just occasionally....The point is, college dress code was so unsatisfying that I cried for the day when I can actually dress the way I want.

So it happened, exactly four months ago.

Now, with the official start of fall, my winter closet is approaching an state of emergency: there is no platform black boots yet, there's a serious lack of winter appropriate work outfit, and worst of all, there is no inspiration! It has never occured to me how difficult it is to put together a decent work outfit given that I'm going to be working for the rest of my life! Now, as much as I'd like to break out the torned legging with oversized T-shirt look, I can't! Working in Private Equity kind of require you to show up to work with pants. So I'm here, sitting in this fashion slump, drooling over inappropriate outfits that I'd like to wear:

From Garance Dore's blog

Yigal Azrouel Spring 2010

2009-09-21T00:51:00.005-04:00

Sitting in bed at home, feeling home sick for no apparent reasons. And it is almost impossible to blog with a broken keyboard. What now?

Karmen Pedaru in September Vogue China

We Will Always Have Oscar...

2009-09-17T14:02:00.006-04:00

Apparently "working till death" is not required today. So I'm here, sharing my love for Oscar de la Renta's spring collection

Too many thoughts, one does not relate to another

2009-09-17T12:02:00.001-04:00

I want to move downtown, for better coffee and better restaurants...
I really want another pair of 5 inch black boots, but it seems such a big waste of time to go shopping for it.....
Wondering how practical it is to cut dairy products completely out of my diet
Occasionally thinking that I should give myself a break, relax and enjoy a little
This is what happen when I get a 5 minutes break at work....

This picture is not particularly great but I got it from Cai's blog. The caption says, "Solitude, sometimes it is ok to shed a few tears" (excuse my awful translation)

Well, I don't really cry, but that is not the point

On Fashion Week, or Maybe Not..

2009-09-14T23:10:00.006-04:00

Sometimes I read other people's blog, they shop, they party, they go to fashion week, or at least they browse through all the collections then follow up with a pretty intelligent post. As much as I love fashion, I don't know the past five seasons of Marni collections by heart; I haven't even seen anything from fashion week actually, despite the fact that I pass by Bryant park at least 3 times in the last few days.

Is there a glamorous life that I'd rather be living? Surprisingly the answer is probably a "no". To some extent, I almost enjoy working 12 hour days, spending most, if not all, of my time analyzing financial statements and working on M&A deals. Of course, it's all with the hope that at some point, I can settle on something great and finally take that vacation that's long overdue. Before that, this seemingly less glamorous life shall continue...

Something amusing, Anna Wintour's first publish

Read the whole story

Can't Wait Till Winter

2009-09-07T21:52:00.005-04:00

Perfume Talk

2009-09-06T23:28:00.004-04:00

I haven't bought a bottle of Perfume in ages. It's so easy to figure out what scent I like, perfume has been some people's go-to present for me for the past few years. So far my favorites includes Chance from Chanel, Miracle from Lancome, and Mediterranean by Elizabeth Arden. To me, sandalwood, magnolias, and musk are incredibly sweet, sensual, and slightly spicy, all together to create the perfect bottle that is sexy but subdued.

Today while flipping Lucky, I found something else that's almost worth trying. However giving the degree of nasal congestion that I'm experiencing right now, I'll have to smell it a few more time to decide whether or not the rose scent is overpowering.

Parisienne by YSL

About Getting Older

2009-09-06T23:08:00.005-04:00

My facebook no longer tell people which year I was born. It's not about the fear of aging, after all I'm Asian, we all age gracefully, and about 10 years behind everyone else. It's the indifference attitude towards birthday, getting old, and all that shenanigan...

2009-09-04T00:50:00.004-04:00

Dragged my tired self to go shopping after work tonight. I always start to long for winter in the middle of the summer. The layering, the endless possibilities....there's something very comforting about winter outfits. Now days, I almost can't wait to bring out the trench coat, kick on some nice ankle boots, or wrap myself in a scarf.

Currently, I'm shopping for shoes. This winter, it's all about the perfect balance between comfy and super heels. What I like so far:

My favorite brand at the moment: 80%20 boots

From Bakers Shoes, also in purple.....I'm in a shoe dilemma

New Girl on the Job

2009-09-01T08:59:00.006-04:00

By Nicolas Moore

Nothing feels quite as good as a fresh start. I magically woke up 5 minutes ahead of the alarm clock. That pot of coffee tasted so good I must help myself to a second.......So off I go. Wish me luck!

Can't Sleep....

2009-08-31T02:27:00.005-04:00

At 12:10 am, 1 Advil pm soft gel

At 1:25 am, 2 detox food patch that also act like sleep aid

At 2:29 am, awake and blogging

In 51/2 hours, my alarm will sound and coffee maker will start......

By Paolo Roversi

Had dinner with H and his friend today. MJ was stressed out about his investment and asked for my opinion on how to deal with the ups, the downs, and the uncertainties, as if I'd know more than him. I told him I feel sick to my stomach 70% of the times these days because of all the uncertainties in my own life. Will I get that full time offer? Will I get it before daddy cut me off on the rent? Can I even deal with that kind of intense work hours? Will I have enough time to study? As I go through these questions that I ask myself on a daily basis, I realize that in the last two months, I have subconsciously replaced all of my old stress factors with new ones. The old problems are still there waiting for a solution, but they no longer seem urgent.

Was anything ever that urgent? Perhaps, some times in life, people get caught up in the self depicted "worst case scenarios", so they create too many unnecessary stress factors that's nothing but counter-productive. I can't predict what will happen in 3 months, I won't even know for sure whether for not I'll be able to wake up on time come Wednesday morning, so why spend time worry about it?

Just like when daddy tell me to believe in what I'm studying, not fight it, maybe we should all spend a little more time living, not fearing it.

Vogue Australia

Typical Me

2009-08-30T01:10:00.009-04:00

Today, I went to fix my favorite pair of shoes at the moment. It's a pair of black heels that somewhat resembles YSL's cage boots. A more subtle version of course. Going to the repair shop was a bit nerve racking. After all, every girl needs to have that kind of close relationship with her shoe repair man, and this was my first time in the new neighborhood.

Well, it went kind of well....he was old, smiley, and was kind and polite enough to tell me that he has seen shoes in worse state than mine. I liked him right then and there. After we settled the business on my shoes, with the same smiley face, he handed me the bill. There was a slight twitch on my face....keep smiling, I told myself. So I did, while handing him a debit card.

As I walked out the shop, I felt a bit stupid. After all, I forgot this was the UES, even shoe repair men were probably used to fixing Manolos or Chanel. Then I tell myself that it was still my favorite pair, so therefore worth the price. Hey, the gay ballerina at Union Square totally complimented me on it, he even did a little pirouette to emphasize how much he liked it. So what I paid $25 to fix a pair of shoes that cost $15? It could have been worse......

It Feels Like Fall...

2009-08-28T22:44:00.004-04:00

New season, new job, and a new chapter of life. Elizabeth Gilbert said that if she'd summarize New York in one word, it would be "achieve". I can only hope that as I rush through life chasing endless goals and desires, I can look back and see some kindness that's left behind. Next week, we will put on our armors, walk onto the street, and get that little bit closer to achieving whatever it is that our hearts desire, but for now: have a great weekend!

Freja Baha Erichsen in Vogue Russia

2009-08-24T23:48:00.004-04:00

Lara Stone for Vogue Paris September Issue

It's my personal belief that the excessive sleeping today was caused by a mini coma......Now only if I can find something to justify the excessive eating...

C'est la vie

2009-08-23T21:56:00.004-04:00

Elle US

Life is getting a bit too unpredictable than I'd it to be these days. I'm almost scared to put up a post stating that I'm in a good mood, because who knows, the next day may just be as bad as a thunder storm. And this is exactly what happened in the past few days. The good, the bad, and the curious.

I'm going to start another blog tonight. Mainly to document the next three months in which I'll have absolutely no life. Aside from the minimum 12 hour daily working schedule, I'll attempt to study all six text books and pass the exam by December 5th. Serious motivation is needed to keep myself going, a blog might do ;)

2009-08-19T23:23:00.003-04:00

Leah de Wavrin by Camilla Akrans

If you only have one day to live, what would you do? I know the exact two people that I want to spend the day with, but they no longer speak to each other because of me. How ironic.

2009-08-18T20:11:00.004-04:00

I didn't get to read the book, but I saw the film this afternoon. It's one of these rare incidents when my heart says yes but my mind says no. Still, it's no use getting all analytical about the film, even my inner foodie won't let me.

Surprisingly, what I like the most about the film is not the shared connection between Julie and Julia, not Paris or the food, but their own love life. In a way, it's almost like that Julia wouldn't be Julia if she wasn't with Paul. And Julie would be just another struggling single gal circa Sex and the City , minus the glamour. As strange as this may sounds, the two characters are richer and more alive because they are rich in love.

He raises his glass, and says, " you are the butter on my toast, breath of my life."

My eyes went wet, as if I have never heard of a sweeter word.

Parking

2009-08-16T22:33:00.010-04:00

After watching "Parking", I received this message asking me to apologize for recommending the film. Even though it gathers absolutely the best of mid age Taiwanese actors, the film itself is a bit average. The project is ambitious: attempting to portray a synecdoche of society through Zhang Zhen's brief encounter with several strangers on his way home. The cinematography is great, after all the director has years of experience directing music videos and documentary. Sadly, the story has some fundamental problems, mainly, there's not enough "force" to push the story forward. Many times during the film, the character's action becomes so unexplainable due to this lack of logic. And the seemingly hopeful ending, where Zhang Zhen's character takes revenge on the pimp, in the action sets the prostitute free and then adopts the little girl, is a little disconnected from the rest of the film. We don't know exactly which part of the night leads him to make such a decision. Overall the film has a 7.3 out of 10 on Douban.com. I'll probably give it a 5.5.

2009-08-14T23:06:00.007-04:00

Kim Noorda by Vanina Sorrenti

Cati Van Ee for Tru Trussardi, Fall 09 by Milan Vukmirovic

It sucks to get a rejection email on a Friday night. However in this case, it's probably not the worst thing. I'm touched by the consolations, especially from the lady who never agrees on anything with me. Even though I've been acting like a spoiled little princess and refusing to settle for just A job, everyone not only understands but now supports my silly pursue of exactly what I want to do. Just now, I made a little note to be nicer to everyone that loves me. They deserve more tolerance and less bitchiness of course ;)

I'll probably spend the entire weekend study my butt off, still I wish everyone else a joyful weekend.

2009-08-13T00:08:00.003-04:00

Regina Spektor's music is perfect for this film. While the humor was enjoyable and somewhat clever, the story, was not.

To the director and the screen writer: next time, if you scratch the bottom of your brain and all you can come up with are a few funny lines and two silly people, That Is OK. Just please do not try so hard or think that you can fool me into thinking that there's something profound about the story. A greeting card is a greeting card, two lost people are two lost people.....just don't drag love into this mess.

Still I'd recommend this to anyone who's not as bitter as me ;)

2009-08-11T19:07:00.006-04:00

By Alexandra Carr

Busy time at the office. Since my boss has an uncanny resemblance of Miranda Presley, I keep saying that I'll only work half day shift but end up staying all day anyway. oh, the burden of trying to be responsible ;) I'm not very articulate today, so just a few things that's on my mind right now:

Those people lining up outside churches for a place to sleep make me very sad, unfortunately I pass by at least two churches like that on any given day :(
The mail finally arrived, so now I'll have to start the lengthy advertising process for my company, booooo state law!
I might have screwed up the most important interview of my life....might....we don't know yet...
My hello kitty can't seem to keep her underwear on....I wonder what happen around here when I'm not home....
I'm going to stop writing now, my keyboard smells like garlic because I spilled hot pot sauce all over it yesterday....

2009-08-09T18:14:00.010-04:00

Amanda Seyfried by Guy Aroch

I felt my uncertainty in the way I interacted with people last night. Two weeks ago, I'd have no problem describing what I do, but last night, I found myself explaining that I'm in transition to another HF. Even worse, as soon as I finish that, I'd think in my head that maybe I'll get my dream job and forget about everything that I'm saying right now?

When facing such uncertainty, I have to keep telling myself to keep my head down, do my work, and do it well. Everything will work out in the end, even in turbulent times like this......

Gemming Productions!

2009-08-08T22:54:00.004-04:00

It's never official until a mail arrives in the mailbox. Still, as of today, I can find information of my own company on the NYS dept of state division of corporation's website. Still waiting for the paperwork to arrive but I'm officially thrilled!!! Now, shall I go ahead and hire myself an assistant? lol

Tonight was fun, a networking event on the rooftop of Empire Hotel, which consisted of shity wine, average turnout, but great company ;) Thanks to my good friends. Now I'm off to making some food. Everyone have a great weekend!

That Place Called Dream

2009-08-06T23:18:00.004-04:00

Found this set of pictures, in fact there are about 10000. This is the exact little fishing village where my film project will take place next spring. I think I love it already ;)

2009-08-06T23:03:00.005-04:00

Every time, just when I think I have hit the absolute rock bottom, something good would happen, and lift me out of it. Like this week, on Tuesday I was sure that I'm too stupid to ever survive in this industry because I cannot do 49 times 49 in two seconds in my head and the fact that I didn't go to Harvard, but today, two phone calls later, I'm almost convinced again that I'm worth something in this field. Still, much persuasion and perfect interview techniques are needed , tomorrow and next Tuesday. At the end of the day, the lesson learned: Never doubt who you are and what you are capable of. Even when nobody believes in you, you have to believe in yourself. Oh the cheesy truth ;)

2009-08-03T15:27:00.006-04:00

I passed by Lincoln Center on my way to lunch today. Apparently the film society is showing a collection of Ang Lee's work. From the more well known Brokeback Mountain and Crouching Tiger, to the lesser known Ride with the Devil, and Sense and Sensibility. I always liked Ang Lee's films and his never ending quest of human suppression. Sometimes, it works, sometimes it doesn't. Such theme is not always suitable for different genre of films, but it is indeed an Ang Lee staple.

Forget Blockbusters, Sense and Sensibility is a well made film, but it definitely has more character of Emma Thompson than Ang Lee. Lust, Caution is unfortunately a rather unsuccessful adaptation of the famously complex and well written short story. If I'd recommend one thing from the series, it will probably be Eat Drink Man Woman. Besides Woodstock which I haven't seen, this is by far the best Ang Lee film.

Peanuts is Back!!!

2009-08-02T22:32:00.008-04:00

Definition of "peanuts": the usually reliable, unsecured wireless network that I have been having a love and hate relationship with lately mainly due to its week long strike.

About 3 days after I re-ordered a tmc internet service, (its also about the time that I'm getting ready to say goodbye to peanuts, forever,) it magically appears on the lower right corner of my screen with faster than ever service and an almost apologetic attitude .... I'm angry at the strike and all the inconvenience that it caused me, but I still took it back, reluctantly.... which is how I'm able to write this entry at this very moment.

As you probably can sense by now, this is an entry about nothing, (except peanuts) but still, thanks for reading. The number of my almost regular readers is up to 4, so I thank all 4 of you for your kind supports! Great night everyone!

2009-08-02T18:35:00.006-04:00

After spending the entire afternoon at Starbucks working on that never ending to-do list of mine, I finally feel satisfied that this has been a semi-relaxing but mostly productive day. Now with my eyes dry, stomach complaining, its rather difficult to write something fun or entertaining. So I give you this:

As we grow older, so many memories are buried under new ones. We become so consumed in our own life and our own experience that sometimes we forget about the people who once mattered so much to us, and all of their stories that once fascinated us. I couldn't help but wonder, how important is our past? If our past makes us who we are today, when we are losing it, are we losing ourselves?

---From my journal folder, July 3rd, 2008

2009-07-31T22:22:00.005-04:00

Have a Great Weekend!

2009-07-29T23:56:00.003-04:00

Both By Karl lagerfeld, Fendi Fall 2009

I wanted to blog fairly badly in the last two days but have been too busy to do so. Sometimes, stories lose their appeals after as little as a day. What I consider to be amusing yesterday seems rather normal today.

Some days when I'm really tired, I wonder about my place in life. Other times I take it as it is. Right now, life, is working up the courage to smile and speak confidently to strangers; it is waking up everyday at 7 in the morning; it is what is said on that tiny little business card of mine; and it is that daily caffeine injection topping countless skipped meals.

At the end of the day, one person's hell is surely another person's heaven ;)

The Weird World that We Live In

2009-07-27T14:14:00.006-04:00

We always say that we live in a gray world because most matters in life are not black and white. But sometimes, you must have a clear stand because gray is just intolerable.

It is wrong to call a murderer/terrorist an activist.

It is wrong to mix politics with art, for the sole purpose of buzz generation.

It is wrong to honor/worship a devil, for instigating such ethnic violence is an unforgivable crime

I hate to bring politics into this blog, but I'm left with no choice. Anyone who's still interested in seeing the film, go ahead. Believe it or not, we, as citizens of a controversial country, are not brain washed by the government as many would suggest. All I can ask, is for you to see it with an open mind. As of for me, I believe in the numbers. The death toll and its nature is where the truth lies.

Life Of A Host

2009-07-25T19:25:00.005-04:00

She cleaned, she shopped, and she prepared. Now she's sitting in front of the computer blogging while sipping a bordeaux, patiently waiting for the arrival of her guests. For some reasons, she thought of Mrs. Dalloway for a second. Oh, fresh flowers, that's why ;) Only, this will be a good night, good company, good wine, and good conversation.....

Thank God It's weekend

2009-07-24T16:07:00.003-04:00

I had multiple "devil wears Prada" moments before I even had breakfast this morning. First stop, about 1 minute after giving me an excel task, my boss gently reminded me that "I don't mean to rush you, but this really shouldn't take more than 5 minutes". Just as I'm scrambling all over the place and thinking that I'm such a idiot for not possessing lightning speed, he demanded an article from wsj in which we do not have a subscription for. Of course, this is my problem, not his....

So, a big thanks to my good friend B, who picked up the phone so early in the morning to save me from having a heart attack. You are too kind.

The rest of the day was not as intense as the morning but busy still. My to-do list for Monday was running long before I finally left work at 6pm. I interviewed two girls in the afternoon, both nervous, unprepared, and spoke broken English. We end up deciding to hire the second girl, for her Columbia MBA status, for her ability to do analysis on excel, and for not giving me a two-page resume. As I write the acceptance email, I secretly wish she'd do better on the job than during the interview. After all, I have a little soft spot for my own people ;)

Off to a quick drink, have a wonderful weekend!

The Model As Muse: Embodying Fashion

2009-07-23T23:51:00.000-04:00

Remember back in April when I really really wanted to go see this exhibition? Well, I went today. It was good, not great, but still enjoyable, that is if you like fashion, or is aware that Kate Moss is not a movie actress ;)

See more photos from the exhibition at Coutorture.com

And I leave you with this quote from nytimes, " What would have transformed this show from being not just entertaining and interesting, but profound? By turning attention almost entirely on the models, it denies the reality of a model’s image as a collaborative construction, with editor, photographer and designer working together to mold a new “face.” But showing how the cocktail of beauty is concocted might have shed too much light on the ephemeral magic of the model and muse."

A quick stop

2009-07-22T21:43:00.001-04:00

I'm tired and semi sick from the weather, so this will be brief.
A few bla bla bla of the day:

My boss officially knows who I am, and now give tasks directly to moi ;)
Any attempt to redesign sneakers is plausible, but once in a while, someone comes up with a style that truly out-shine everyone else

Bensimon's Ballerina Sneakers
Elie Saab's fall 2009 collection is 90% ugly
Forget Vogue Italia or USA, this photo from Vogue China is rocking!

Vogue China, photo by Terry Tsiolis
This photo seriously looks like Hermione gone wild, boy do I still live in the post harry potter era lol

Mulberry Fall 2009

Oh Harry...

2009-07-18T20:20:00.000-04:00

In the company of chicken finger, curly fries, and a large diet coke, I finally saw the sixth Harry Potter movie. Opps, did I forget to mention my friends? Let's hope Lil won't read this entry and think that chicken finger is her nickname or something ;)

I had my shares of disappointments with the Harry Potter films. Simply put, they are so bad in comparison to the books. No matter it's the lack of plot, the omission of important details and scenes, or the fact that the actor who plays Dumbordore never seems to get it right, I remember coming out of the theater after every movie, unsatisfied, angered, and secretly wishing the next one could be better.

That is, until now. Rather than watching badly selected badly executed "highlights" from the book, this film was good. Yes, the romance was cheesy and the absent of the final fight scene left many die heart fans protesting, but the film is still the best Harry Potter film to date. I laughed at the silliness of hormonal teenagers (when Ron drank the love potion?), gasped during the scene where Katie Bell got cursed by the necklace, and, almost cried when Dumbordore died. ( It seems that this actor finally understood the essence of Dumbordore....sadly its so late in the series)

Even more, I find myself reminiscing of the old days when I sleep with Harry Potter books on my chest. Back then, even when I had a bad day, I knew by night time, I can escape to the world of harry. It was fascinating, but more so, it was comforting.

I confess that I'm such a Harry Potter nerd I read the first six books at least 10 times each. The seventh book, I only read once. The truth is, the entire seventh book was such a disappointment that I gave it away the day after I read it. But now, half way through the film, I started counting all of the horcruxes, and by the end I was trying really hard to remember who R.A.B was. I even, as strange as it sounds, start to anticipate the final two films. Maybe its because that my Harry Potter days are far behind me that I want some kind of ending to that chapter of my life. Maybe, the success of the sixth film actually give me hope that the finale won't be so bad.

We never want to say goodbye, but sometimes, while you are resisting the moment, that part of life is slowly becoming your past.......

The Last Bit of My Favorite Fall Couture

2009-07-15T23:25:00.001-04:00

Every once a while I become very critical of myself. During this time period, I'd think that everything about me is a little off. Like right now, let's start the "coulda, shoulda" list.

I could be a little nicer/a little less bitchy
I should talk a little less, in general

I could clean my apartment a bit more often
I should read less blog, and more books

I could try to actually watch my weight and what I eat
I should keep my commitment to the gym

I could spend less time socializing
I should spend more time on work

I know I'm insane, well just let me be ;)

Ok, now the last bit of fall couture:

Givenchy Couture

Valentino Couture

Window Shopping, the Favorite Passtime of the Poor

2009-07-15T00:25:00.000-04:00

Signs that I'm getting increasingly broke and cheap these days:

My electricity bill was $8.00 last month
I'm handling piles and piles of paperwork myself because lawyer fee is too expensive
I'm going on the famous lemonade diet just so I can stop eating, food is expensive, people!
My good friends are buying me nice presents ( they can't stand me starving, or drinking wine out of a coffee mug apparently ;))
Did I mention the weird guy who give me 2 penny on the subway platform the other day?

You get the point.

It's been a while since I online shopped, but this doesn't stop sites from sending me promotional emails. Normally, they are evil like the cupcake store with the delicious display, or the tasti D lite that keeps on giving me dollar off coupons. But today, I found some really amazing stuff. Simply put, they are so beautiful I can't 1) afford them, 2) get mad because I can't afford them.

Anzevino & Florence Wedding Dress

A Lauren Moshi Painting

I absolutely adore this "petit chapeau" hat by the amazing Tarina Taratino Great job Revolve! I might actually shop there again once my personal recession is over....

Living on the edge, literally

2009-07-13T00:27:00.000-04:00

One dinning table and 4 chairs later, my studio apartment looks a little bit more complete. The only problem is the two chairs meant for the sitting area. They somehow manage to look really odd, like that new kid at school who refuse to fit in!

Here's something that's even more odd: Two Brazilian artists in Rio are living on the side of a wall. And by that I mean they sleep, eat, and work, all on the side of a building. The two has been doing this since the end of May as part of an art exhibition.

Now, I've always laughed at people who are big on exploring the "intention and meaning" rather than the presentation of art. But in the case of performance art, I'm even too lazy to make an argument for that. Let's not get into the whole debate again, it's getting old. The matter is simple: you call it art, I call it crap ;)

Couture Continues

2009-07-12T00:42:00.000-04:00

I finally went shopping for the rest of my furniture: dining table, chairs, and other little things. At last, a house party soon?

It's been a busy week. As weird as it sounds, I love my work already. Sadly, judging by the length of my to-do list, the comings weeks if not months, are not going to be as fun as this one.

Well, in the mean time, I'll enjoy the rest of my weekend, look at some pretty amazing fall collections, and possibly pick up on Infinite Jest?

Christian Lacroix Fall 2009

Dior Fall 2009